Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Scooter Adventure: the Egging

Mischief night, Halloween 2005.

I felt two sudden hard punches on my back. I heard a few more cracks as additional shots missed and fell to the pavement around me. Surprised and in pain, I struggled to keep my scooter upright. It was dark and I was already having enough trouble avoiding the big potholes and dangerous corners in Dorchester. I looked down and felt warm liquid dripping around my waist and legs. Was I bleeding? Was I about to die? I could hear the tires screeching from the low rider car that had been tailing me. I looked in my side mirrors and could see the car had made a quick right turn down a dark side alley. My aggressors had escaped.

I doubt there are many readers here that have been attacked by weaponized poultry embryos. I would even go so far as to say there are even fewer that understand what it feels like to be egged while driving a scooter at 30mph. It hurts like hell. I ended up with a few bruises on my back, a scooter covered in egg yolk (which does not clean up easily), and a very bruised ego. On the positive side, I am gracious the youth of Dorchester on mischief night chose to use grade A large white eggs rather than actual bullets. (For those that are not from the Boston area, Dorchester is comparable to South Philly. Or West Philly. Or all that area past Route 1 in North Philly. Or Trenton). In retrospect, it probably was not the greatest idea to drive through a dangerous part of town late a night on Halloween eve on a bright yellow scooter. But I had a big exam to study for and had spent most of the day in the library. I never got a good look at the teenagers in the car. They had pulled up along side me a few blocks before the incident and stared at me. I had figured they were only checking out my scooter as that happens from time to time, but did not realize there were actually acquiring a target for their mischievous deeds.

In summary:
  • Projectile eggs hurt like hell
  • Do not drive a scooter in Dorchester
  • Wet paper towels will not clean up embedded eggs chunks from a scooter
  • Use "Kaboom" cleaner. Or anything sold by Billy Mays
  • Do not go to Dorchester

Site of the Egging Incident.

Weaponized Poultry Embryo

Addendum: In response to Meg's comment, I was selected for jury duty in 2006. While filling out the paperwork at the courthouse, in the section that asked, "Have you ever been a victim of crime?" I wrote in yes and described my scooter egging incident. A few hours later, two lawyers and the judge were filtering through the potential jurors and called me up to the bench. They asked me if I would remain impartial to the criminal case, as I listed having been a victim of crime since I had been egged while driving a scooter. To say the least, it's pretty embarrassing having a judge and two lawyers ask you that question in a court of law. I sheepishly said no, and was picked for jury duty that lasted three days.