Teaser line: What do Abe Lincoln, Michael Jackson, and Jesus have in common? Well, besides being dead and having their own Wikipedia page, they’re vegetarians! Who cares? Read on to find out!
A new year means a new start for the scooter blog. Like a phoenix reborn from its ashes, so shall the scooter blog be revived (at least until I get bored with it again) and restored beyond its original glory. “How so?” you might wonder. As the scooter is winterized for a few more weeks, this blog will be converted to my daily journal during my “week-long” adventure as a “vegetarian.” GASP! Your first astonished question might be, “What the heck are you talking about?” For those that know me, my categorization of vegetarianism fits into the same bubble as Unicorns, the Bermuda Triangle, and Republicans. Essentially, things that are mystifying, and perhaps to a lesser degree, known for their magical healing abilities. Well, this “week” I begin to pop these bubbles. For the next “week” I will consume no meat, and hope the animals that would normally be sacrificed for my consumption will instead be used for other practical purposes or eaten by Steve Li. I may even donate some small monetary contribution at the completion of my journey to some sort of charity, but I haven’t thought that far, in fact this idea just popped into my head while I was trying to find a way to conclude this run-on sentence. Your second question might be, “Why all the quotation marks?” To be honest, I don’t really know if I can refrain from consuming delicious animal muscle tissue. So my “week,” which ideally would span 7 rotations of the Earth, may or may not, be really Wednesday (realistic goal date). Also, for clarification purposes, my definition of “vegetarian” is only not directly consuming animal parts, and does not include dairy products, eggs, and any insects that accidentally fly into my mouth while I sleep. Fish, shellfish, and foods knowingly cooked in animal broths will be avoided as well. However I will not be fanatical about checking ingredients, and magical things like "gelatin" I could care less about.
I am not doing this for the "greater good," not for health reasons, a wager, a social commentary on American consumerism, nor for any other real reason other than the fact that I want to give it an impromptu try, and to have something else to talk about besides March madness and play Call of Duty. Actually, that’s not completely true. ::Cue in patriotic music and wavy American flag backdrop:: Your choice of dietary decisions, along with political affiliation, sexual orientation, choice of religion, and along with many other preferences, is your own damn decision, and nobody should tell you otherwise.* Here’s the part where we all start chanting “USA, USA, USA!” and fist pump.
(*Caveat: except for arborphilia and cannibalism, because that’s just gross dude.)
How YOU can help: This tremendous effort will require additional support, as I am already craving some buffalo chicken wings or a nice juicy medium cheeseburger…no, must resist… So, I implore you, faithful readers (Meghan), to keep a wary eye on this blog, as it will reflect my physical and mental health. Signs of my degradation may begin to show as this week progresses by my lack of coherent writing ability (or more so), or severe symptoms, such as only posting quotes drawn from memory from the hit movies “Independence Day” and “Armageddon.” (I've seen these movies so many times; they’re ingrained scene by scene into my most basic neurological functions, alongside contracting my diaphragm and consistent myocardial tissue activity). In addition, please support my efforts by suggesting non-gross vegetarian foods in the comments section, as currently my only idea of non-meat foods to eat are meatless donuts, bean and rice qdoba burritos, and cheese pizza.
Thank you for reading, and enjoy the show.
